There are times in relationships when being silent is acceptable and even productive. For instance, a couple, or even just one partner, may take a timeout from a heated argument to cool off or gather their thoughts. What distinguishes this silence from the silent treatment is when one party refuses to communicate for no apparent reason.
No matter how long a couple has been involved in moving the relationship from temporary to permanent (marriage), it isn’t easy to know those little things that can shake its very foundation. We all know that all marriages are not made in heaven, and fairy tales are just what they are. We reached for and expected the gold ring of perfection when we considered marriage, believing that if anything were to shake its foundation, it most certainly would not be something as trivial as one giving the other silent treatment.
Hardly a week passes without my wife giving me some cold treatment because of something I may have or not have done. During those times, she sulks, pouts and shuts me out completely. Those are the most difficult times; not knowing what I have done and worse still trying to pick her brains is the most agonizing thing to do as I am left feeling confused and frustrated. If she could say what the problem is, I’d solve it.
I remember once forgetting to buy my wife a valentine’s card, correction; I did buy the card but had forgotten it at the office. That day at dinner, my wife feigned not hungry and sulked and had all kinds of mannerisms and gestures I could not interpret. All attempts at getting her to say what her problem was, were met with silence. This went on for two days before I accidentally found the card in my office and made the connection. To think that this card had driven my wife beyond reason is too much for a grown man like me to comprehend.
I have had to ask myself many times how my wife’s behaviour eluded me during our courtship. That’s not to say I would not have married her. I love my wife, but surely we would have had ample time to talk about it. I am not too good in the memory department and cannot remember birthdays, anniversaries etc. To save us all the bother, she could prompt me when these days draw near. That way, we will all be saved from the moan and groan and silent treatment.
That is not the way my wife likes it. Every silent treatment must be linked to something, and I must find out what that something is for normalcy to reign. Picking people’s brains has never been my strong point, and despite failing many times, she does not give up. When she starts, I go out, and when I come back, she sulks, pouts and gives me the silent treatment and sobs. Now she thinks I am having an affair. I cannot win, can I?
Married man